


The Man Who Sold the World

by orphicsheep



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Bad Parenting, Baking, Birthday Party, Blood Magic, Bonding, Canon Compliant (for the most part), Chronic Pain, Cooking Lessons, Declarations Of Love, EGTW spoilers, Essek POV, Found Families, Friendship, Gen, Magic Lessons, Minor Violence, Narrative foils, One Shot Collection, Pillow & Blanket Forts, Shadowgast, Some Beaujester, Time Magic, Truth or Dare, adventurer! essek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 21,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23410306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphicsheep/pseuds/orphicsheep
Summary: One-shots for Essek Week. Day 1: Anti-Gravity (Learning dunamancy + how to people). Day 3: The Man Who Sold the World (Twenty five years later, Essek reflects on his time with the Mighty Nein). Day 4: Bittersweet Blackberries (Essek brings cupcakes to the Nein as a peace offering; Jester invites him to stay forever. Birthday antics ensue). Day 5: I'll Be Your Mirror (Caleb sneaks away from the Xhorhaus because he wants another lesson. Essek is worried). May include top secret spells the government doesn't want you to know about, blood magic, and spoilers up to 97.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, The Mighty Nein & Essek Thelyss
Comments: 24
Kudos: 162
Collections: Essek Week





	1. Anti-Gravity

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I currently have two Shadowgast wips I need to finish but I am taking a break for Essek Week prompts! These will be completely unrelated so you can read them in any order you like. I tried to work in some variety. I skip a couple of days because I am attempting art for them. Will update tags as needed.

_Does the power make you dizzy? Does it burn you? The ache is deep, where the blood was spilled, that makes such magic possible, but it's worth it, of course it's worth it, because you want to be stronger, better, no matter the price. Your ambition knows no limit. Your Den is proud, when they see the end result: a dark star full of pure energy, that warps space, time, and gravity in its proximity. They don't see the blood run down your hand, don't notice you wince. They don't see the cost._

His mother is finally proud. She even smiles. "Your son is so strong, so clever," another noble says, seated at her shoulder. She sees his potential and his ambition from an early age, but she mistakes it for something that it's not. She pushes him too far. They don't want the same things. He takes up the mantle of Shadowhand at her bidding, but he hates it. He never wanted power over others. What he is looking for is control, yes, and strength... but not over others; over himself. He never wanted to use his magic to hurt people. He only wanted to be strong enough that no one could ever hurt _him._

_Everything's different, now. You're not just a boy trying to impress his peers, or intimidate them, by turns, so they will keep their distance; so they won't hurt you. With so much power at your hands, why waste them on mere parlour tricks?  
_

He runs himself ragged, to hide what he's done, to untangle an intricate web of lies, to build around himself a wall nothing can break through, to keep order among the spies under his command, to bring a war to an end, to return the beacons he stole. He never expected to meet the Nein. He never expected to love them the way he does.

And it is love. He knows it's love.

He has never loved anything before, except... his brother, when they were young. One day he found his little brother being bullied by some of the older children, because he was so young and small and proud and definat—he admired his spirit even then, although he would never admit it to his face. They threw stones at him, laughing and jeering, calling him names. Essek ran between them and Verin, sent up a shield to deflect their makeshift missiles then threw them back with a gravity spell that made the ground crack beneath their feet with the sheer force of his ire. Then he hugged his brother, told him not to cry. It was only a matter of time before his little brother outgrew him, and the tables turned, so _he_ was the one who did most of the defending, but... it was nice, just for once, to know someone looked up to him.

There was a stray cat who used to lurk outside the military academy, or linger into the kitchen, on warm days when doors and windows were left open and unattended. He took a liking to her, named her _Misya,_ 'moonflower,' because she was white and gray, and seemed to glow in the dark. He fed her scraps, when no one was looking, stroked her soft coat. A sickly little thing the head cook head threatened to 'put out of its misery,' but Essek had begged her to spare the young cat's life, and his plea was so heartfelt, the cook spared her. Once, over a long holiday, he smuggled Misya home with him in his pack, and it made the month tolerable, locked up in his room all day with only his books for company.

Eventually his father found out and took Misya away. Essek did not know where. He did not ask. He was not allowed to get 'attached' to anything. His mother had big plans for him. Nothing could distract him from his studies. _He_ was ambitious, but her ambitions always bordered on cruelty.

He did not have many friends at school, but he tended to be kept away from others, tutored alone in private lessons once his skill outstripped his peers. Being a prodigy sets you apart. There was one boy he saw, regularly, would steal moments with, exchanging notes. He was a 'bad influence,' of course, encouraging him to sneak out, and go places off limits, late at night, when no one was looking, and wards could easily be dismantled if you knew how. They would steal bits of food and books when no one was looking, practice dangerous spells, small, harmless acts of rebellion. He was so unlike Essek in every way: confident, bold, brash, outgoing... but he shared Essek's fascination with magic. He first learned about 'dark star' and 'tether essence' from him. Dangerous, high-level magic, they shouldn't dream of attempting, for they would likely die trying... but it fascinated him all the same. One time, alone in the library late at night, he cut his palm, and showed him how to make a blood pact. Something his friend had learned from reading too many novels. _This means we're tethered; a bond nothing can break._

Essek winced when the knife bit into the palm of his hand, but he did not hesitate, because he had stars in his eyes. His friend wrapped his hand, afterwards, to stop the bleeding, asked if Essek was scared, his heart was beating so fast he could practically _hear_ it! Essek kissed him on the floor of the library, surrounded by spellbooks, because of course his first kiss would be sealed with a blood pact, and if course it amounted to nothing, because words mean nothing when you're young and your life is a lie. It was about eight months later when he showed up at Essek's door in the middle of the night. "My name's Kayan," he said, and Essek's heart sank. "They're sending me away." He didn't need to explain why. Kayan gave him a scroll as a parting gift and kissed his cheek rather coldly, like a stranger. He was the first of many peers, who started disappearing, one by one. Friends he thought he knew; but who had led other lives, had other names, been other people. Some of them had families, before; spouses; children. Some had won glory in battle, or excelled as craftsmen, artists, traders. Most of them had simply been footsoldiers, cannon fodder, doomed to repeat the cycle eternally, although they all aspired to 'great things.'

 _You'll understand when it happens to you,_ they'd sometimes say, before walking out of his life, to go back to their old families, old callings. No one ever showed sympathy for the friends and family they left behind. No tears were shed for the mothers and fathers who had to say goodbye to their children.

As more and more of their peers were taken away to be guided through their anamnesis, and the more and more apparent it became that Essek and Verin would not be among them, the harder they both worked to distinguish themselves. Verin, as an echo knight, and Essek, as a graviturgist.

Naturally, he learned how to hover. He had always been kept apart from people growing up, but now he made a point of insisting it was _his_ choice. He didn't need other people. They only hold you back, he'd insist, when his mother asked while he was always alone, and never brought a guest to dinner, when his brother always had someone new on his arm, and plenty of friends. He sometimes, in his more cynical moments, wondered if it was not by design that he and his brother became what they are. If their mother was using their lives as a kind of... experiment. She made Essek the perfect wizard, and the perfect spymaster, by keeping him apart from everyone. She made Verin the perfect warrior and leader, by immersing him in society from a young age, and ensuring he was always active, always training or amused, always surrounded by people and life and noise.

He didn't _need_ friends. But he killed that Scourger, without thinking, without hesitation, because Caleb asked him to. He could still convince himself that his motivations were practical, but he knew he had not killed her because it was the pragmatic thing to do. He killed her because she hurt someone dear to him, which meant she was the enemy and had to die. He killed her in a fit of passion, because Caleb was his _friend._ He even said so, later on, he said so with a smile. 

_"We are friends now?" Friends. I like that._

He taught Caleb the spell he crafted from observing Echo Knights like his brother in training, and learning how to apply this ability to mages. _Resonant Echoes._ Such a powerful spell he dare not give it away to anyone... except Caleb, who is still a mystery to him, whose loyalties are hazy at best, who might very well try to kill him one day, who might be plotting against him already, for all he knows, because he knows, now, that he is in danger, and this might be the only way Essek can keep him safe when he is not around to protect him.

 _"An even weaker wizard than I,"_ Caleb jokes when he first sees Essek create an Echo of himself, and Essek laughs, but his words linger. He knows how weak and vulnerable Caleb is to assassins who strike at close quarters, and have the element of surprise on their side. But he also knows how powerful he is, and how much stronger he has become since the first day they met. He has never seen any other wizard progress so quickly, or demonstrate such a natural aptitude for dunamancy. It would be a crime _not_ to teach him these spell.

But he cannot tell his Queen or his Den, cannot tell others how proud he is of his student and friend, because of course it is treason, giving these spells to him, teaching someone from the Empire how to bend gravity to his will, and steal a shadow of himself from other timelines. These are closely guarded Dynasty secrets, but... he has already committed treason once, and they cannot kill him twice. What is one more crime?

 _"You don't have to float around us,"_ Beau insists with a smile when they visit his home. When he visits theirs. They have to keep reminding him, and he keeps thanking them, every time they pull him back onto solid earth. He drinks plum wine with them, or sometimes tea. They invite him to share their hot tub, their company. Jester may send him messages at all hours of the day and night, even when he is trying very hard to rest, which _should_ be infuriating... but she also gives him cupcakes, and made him a parasol, and reminds him how grateful she is for his help every chance she gets, and when she doesn't message him for a few days, he finds he misses them.

 _How good these people are, how kind. I must keep them safe,_ he tells himself, although it isn't easy. Every other week they seem to be running headfirst into danger. They seem to have no regard, whatsoever, for their own safety. The best he can do is provide safe transport, and insist they send for him if they are ever in danger.

It was so much easier when he only used magic to protect himself. When he could keep the entire world at arm's reach.

Essek once thought the pursuit of knowledge was a cause worth dying for. No one understood him, until he met Caleb, no one else could come _close_ to wrapping their heads around the idea that someone might put knowledge—for its own sake, and not to use as a weapon, the way the leaders of the Assembly did, as a way of wielding power over others, or unnaturally extending one's life, to become a veritable god... _but knowledge for all, knowledge which would benefit the world, benefit future generations!?_ That was what his mother could not begin to fathom. If he had told her he wanted to rule the Dynasty, she would understand. But knowledge for its own sake? _That_ was beyond her grasp. It was an important cause, he believed; still believes. But it's not worth dying for. _Friends,_ he was fast coming to learn, _are._

* * *

_Only use this spell as a last resort._ He draws a small knife along the palm of his hand, making both Beau and Caleb, who are standing closest to him, grimace, but he doesn't wince. His hands are covered in callouses. He is used to pain. His concentration won't be thrown by anything.

 _"What are you doing, man?!"_ Beau shouts over the sound of another pillar bursting into flame, and tumbling down into smouldering ruins.

 _"Get out!"_ He orders, loudly. Most of them scatter. Jester, Caleb, and Beau hold back.

Essek narrows his eyes as he weaves his hand through the air, carving the sigils he knows by heart. The sigils he's worked so hard to master.

Caleb watches him, seems to recognise what he's doing, although he never taught him _this_ spell. It's far too dangerous. _Clever boy._

"Are you _crazy?!"_ Jester shouts over the rising din. "We're not leaving without you!"

Essek raises his hand to form in the air before him a dark star, first small and concentrated, a beacon of raw, shining power, before the gravity around them begins to shift, as its area expands.

"I said run! I can handle them," he calls over his shoulder, as they finally start moving back, out of range. The spell is expanding quickly. He focuses, moving it away from them before they get caught up in its aura.

Caleb is at his side, speaks over his shoulder. "We're not running, Essek. We're not going anywhere," as he carves a sigil of his own through the air, then sends off a scorching ray. He looks to his other side, sees Jester summon a flurry of spirit guardians. Caduceus, a little farther away, summons his own. Beau, Yasha, and Fjord are there with swords and staves raised, forming a protective, if haphazard, circle around the spellcasters. 

He casts the star into the centre of battle, then dispatches it, rocketing, searing energy enveloping most of their enemies, as all in proximity are caught or crushed by its deadly pull. But there is one straggler, a mage who was either far enough away, or had enough wards in place, to negate the effects of this spell. They retaliate, firing an attack directly at Caleb.

Essek darts towards him, slamming into his side, knocking him to the ground while he incanted the words to a Temporal Shunt spell. They are both shunted to another timeline. The same field is now green and vibrant, a thriving meadow freckled with wildflowers, not the husk of a landscape they left behind. The air is cool, pleasant. And Essek just shoved Caleb onto the ground. He scrambles up off of him and on to his feet, extends a hand to help Caleb up.

"What... was... that?" Caleb asks, wide-eyed and winded, his heart still racing.

"Temporal Shunt. I can teach you it if you like, but it will fade in a moment and you won't remember any of this."

"Where did everyone go?!" He asked as he got to his feet, looking around him, clearly frightened. Essek touched his shoulder, hoping to calm him down, but he started at the lightest touch.

"They are right where we left them. I had to move you out of the line of attack by briefly transporting you to another timeline. I didn't realise the spell would effect us both. This has never happened before."

"There's a first time for everything, ja?" Caleb says with a nervous laugh. "Will _you_ remember this?"

"Honestly? I have no idea," Essek admitted. It was strangely comforting to admit he had no idea. It wasn't something he _would_ have admitted, before meeting the Nein, and learning there was nothing wrong with admitting you were imperfect and flawed, just like everyone else.

"Good," Caleb said, and grabbed hold of his robes, and dragged him into a deep kiss. Time shifted again, and they were back in the middle of a battle, and it was dark once more, and Caleb was still lying in the grass, with Essek leaning over him. Caleb still had a hand on Essek's mantle.

It takes the drow a moment to regain focus and rise to his feet, then levitates just off them, before scanning the horizon for the mage who had just attacked Caleb. Caduceus locks in on them at the same time, and they coordinate an attack, with Essek magnifying the intensity of Caduceus' divine bolt, taking them down easily.

Jester and Caduceus head back over, while Yasha and Fjord shift through their fallen enemies, looking for anything worth salvaging.

Beau lowers her staff and runs over, gives Essek a clap on the back far more powerful than expected. "Good work, floaty boy!"

There are cheers and claps. "Well done," Caduceus adds, warmly. "That really was impressive!"

"Thank you," Essek murmurs, sincerely, feeling drained after expanding what are easily two of his most exhausting spells. He expected them to run when he asked. He was afraid of this magic, that was so hard to focus and control, afraid it might harm them if they got too close. That _he_ might harm them, if _he_ got too close. Maybe that was why he floated. Why he had his towers built. Why he kept everyone at a distance.

Well, he was in no danger of being alone now.

Jester jolts into his side, hugging him so hard he nearly topples over. How _strong_ she is, for such a tiny tiefling!

"Don't you _ever_ scare me like that again!" She chides, as he tries, awkwardly, to pat her shoulder. "Caleb, make him promise never to risk his life over some stupid spell!"

"I am not his keeper," Caleb answers, looking sheepish and standing off to the side, away from the rest of the group.

He was gazing rather intently at his hands. There was blood on them, but it wasn't his.

Essek shook his head, tried to placate the blue tiefling as best he could.

 _"Jester,_ I was more afraid for _your_ lives! Gravity magic can be... volatile, at times."

_So was teleporting, but that never stopped them._

Jester loosened her hold and nodded, drawing away to rejoin the others.

Essek watched them for a long moment, lost in thought, as they assembled in the middle of the meadow.

 _This is my Den, now._ _I can use dunamancy to keep them safe._ _I can still do some good, and leave the world better than I found it._

When he first trained to be a graviturgist, he was warned of its dangers. No one told him it could be used to help others. Protect them. Maybe they were too afraid to tell them the truth, afraid they would use this magic for any other purpose than aiding the Dynasty in battle. For what other purpose in life should a good Kryn mage have, then to aid the Dynasty in battle?

He felt a hand close around his, and looked down. The hand he'd wounded.

He remembers learning spells in secret, messy blood pacts, first kisses, leftover scars.

"Looks like we've won!" Caleb says, practically beaming. "We couldn't have done it without you."

He usually only smiles when he's learning magic, but he's smiling now. That's a good sign. Essek smiles back.

"I'm just glad you're all safe! I was so afraid when I thought they were going to hit you I—"

"You take too many risks," Caleb warns before he can finish. "Keep this up and we might start thinking you like us."

"Any risk is worthwhile, if it keeps my friends alive," Essek replies evenly, holding Caleb's gaze.

Caleb nods, pressing Essek's hand. He can see through him so easily. 

"I love them, too. I'm glad we've grown on you."

Essek wonders how many timelines he'd have to pass through before he got this one right.

And the ache is deep, in the pit of his stomach, as Caleb gently pulls him back down, and his feet touch the ground.


	2. The Man Who Sold the World

The sea was beautiful today. It's beautiful every day, whether ravaged by storms, or tranquil and calm. Sometimes, when he looked out over it, in the burgeoning light of dawn, or as the Sun sank out of view and day descended into dusk, he wished he were a painter.

Essek often went for walks along the shore to stretch his legs. Caduceus had tried his best to help him, but he knew there would always be a low, familiar, lingering ache, which never left. The cost of devoting your life to magic, to pushing yourself too far, when too young. A cost that would remain a constant reminder, throughout his life, to tend towards temperance. It was Caduceus who suggested he take these walks, to build muscle in his leg, and regain strength. A little walking, and a little fresh air, every week was good for him, he knew it was good for him. _("You spend far too much time indoors," Caduceus used to say. "It will do you good to see the Moon.")_

Not the Sun, no; the Sun only hurt him; but the Moon? It's light had a restorative quality, certainly. There was a reason so many poets composed songs to its splendour.

 _"Essek Thelyss?"_ Someone called. It made Essek stop in his tracks. "I thought that was you! You're a hard man to find. Everyone thinks your dead."

"I'm an even harder one to kill." He turned to see who had called him. A little halfling. "Who are you?" He asked as he leaned against the staff he used as a walking stick. He had made a point, when finding his new home, to choose a secluded location, and always used a false name when talking with locals. It had been years before anyone had called him 'Essek' outside of the Nein, when they wrote or sent messages.

"A friend, don't worry!" He said, throwing up his hands to show he came in peace. "My name's Luc Brenatto. Maybe your remember my mother?"

Essek nodded slowly.

"I remember her well. What brings you here?"

The halfling immediately relaxed, exhaling a shaky breath.

He looked young. Twenty-something. Which was nothing, to an elf, but for a halfling...? He was well on his way to becoming fully grown. The last time Essek had seen him he was a child of six or seven. He had the same brown almond eyes, a rich tan, and a mess of curly hair shorn bluntly at an angle, in a manner which made him look not unlike a young sheep. He had a pack with him which was overfilling with scrolls, and a crossbow strapped to his back.

"I'm a bard. I collect stories wherever I go. I have heard many stories about the Mighty Nein, my mother used to tell me them each night before I went to bed, but... I don't think she told me the whole story."

 _"Oh?"_ So he was curious. A good sign. Veth raised him well.

Luc looked him up and down, shaking his head, taking in his simple robes, meticulous hair, which had grown a little long, eyes shaded by heavy glasses to keep out the worst of the daylight.

"So I thought I'd go straight to the source and ask you myself."

His mother had always been... wary of him, to say the least. They had eventually come to garner a healthy respect for one another, fighting side-by-side, but it took time... one particular battle ended with Essek dying (briefly) to take an attack aimed at Caleb. It took dying to defend him for Veth to accept that maybe, just _maybe_ , he did love her wizard after all. She finally gave them her blessing, shortly before leaving the Nein and her high risk adventuring lifestyle to go back to her family.

"Never let it be said I denied a Brenatto my time. Go on... or would you like to find somewhere more pleasant to talk? The Sun will be up soon, which is no good for me...." he extended his arms, to indicate himself, and his delicate drow complexion.

"I'm so sorry, Sir! I didn't mean to keep you out here! I've never met a drow before, I forgot..."

Essek raised a hand. "It is no matter. Come with me," he said, as he began to lead the halfling in the direction of a nearby village. Luc followed without hesitation.

He could have taken Luc to his home, if he wanted privacy, but he had taken great pains to keep his abode a secret from everyone, even his closest friends and relations. There was always a risk even his friends might, under duress, give such secrets away. His home was the only place in Exandria he felt truly safe, where he could lower his guard and focus on his work without fear, and it was paramount to him it remain a safehouse, even if that meant being a poor host to a curious young halfling.

They found a quiet inn that served tea and simple meals, and found a place to sit in the garden, far from the other patrons, where they could have some semblance of privacy, and a large canopy kept at bay the light of a rising Sun. Once there, with two cups of tea set out before them, Essek gave the halfling permission to begin his interview.

"Wow, where to start...? _The real Essek Thelyss!_ You're famous, you know that?!" Luc exclaimed, clearly a little starstruck as he found his chair, set down his cup on the table beside him.

 _"Infamous,_ some would say," Essek replied with a slight smirk. He could not help being a little vain, a little proud, of the reputation he had garnered. He had worked hard to gain a reputation for anything _other_ than the man who stole two beacons.

"I suppose I should begin at the beginning," Luc decided. He took out some parchment, a heavy book to write on, and a quill. Essek recognised the book, a 'history' which was so sensational, so exaggerated, it was really more of a novel, _The Daring Trials & Tribulations of Taryon Darrington. _A fun read, which Essek had only read himself after his retirement from the Nein bought him time to read simply for pleasure. "How did you first meet the Mighty Nein?"

Essek's smile quickly disappear. Off to a great start.

"It was over your father, actually, who had been placed in my care. The Nein came to return one of the Dynasty's beacons, in exchange for your father's freedom. It was a very heartfelt, tearful reunion. I was appointed their steward. I found them... intriguing, to say the least. Always going off on dangerous adventurers... and always, miraculously, returning in one piece. I found it all very... endearing."

Luc nodded to show he was listening, and dutifully wrote down every word Essek said, barely ever meeting his eye. Clearly his father's imprisonment was not news to him; nor was the fact Essek had, initially, been his jailor.

"When did you _join_ the Mighty Nein?"

"Ah."

Another tricky question.

"You can give me the abridged version. In your own words. Mother never told me this part. She said it had something to do with the war, that's all I know."

"Right. Well," Essek began, clearing his throat. "I was born and raised in Rosohna, the heart of Xhorhas, to the umavi of my Den..."

"Do you really have to go that far back?"

"I'm afraid so."

"And you're _how old?"_

"Nearly one hundred and fifty years."

"Hmm. Go on," Luc insisted, reaching into his pack for more parchment.

"When the Nein found me... I had lived my whole live in Roshona. I knew no other life, but it had never truly felt like home to me. The Nein were in Rosohna for all of two weeks before they turned the house we gave them into a home, filling it with warmth and light and music and laughter and I... well, I think I envied them a little, envied their friendship, envied the way they had become so much like a family to one another, when I... had never known such warmth, never even witnessed it, within my own Den. I think... the day they invited me into their beautiful little home, with their giant tree covered in jars of daylight, their bone harps and death flutes... I swore to myself I would do everything in my power to protect these people, even though I knew I would never truly be one of them."

"Where does the war come in?"

"I was getting to that. You're rather impatient, aren't you?"

"We haven't all lived a hundred and fifty years, y'know."

"True! It is sufficient to say I was unhappy in the Dynasty. I hated my position as Shadowhand, even though it was the most prestigious position I could have aspired to, as a young drow in my first life. I distrusted the Luxon my countrymen blindly worshipped, and that put my at odds with my own people, my own Den. My parents could never quite come to terms with my rejection of the Luxon, in the final moments of the ritual which would have bound my soul eternally to this... mysterious, unknown entity. Nearly everyone who governs the Dynasty is consecuted, so this was... a source of shame for my family, who tried to cover up the fact my consecution did not 'take.' I saw it as a way to prove myself. To make the most of the only life I had been given; something no one, before me, in my Den, had ever thought to."

"That's admirable," Luc put in, nodding.

"Not really. I..." he ducked his head. "In my foolhardiness, I enlisted help from outside the Dynasty, to learn more about the Beacons. The Martinet of the Cerberus Assembly nearly had me killed on sight, when I dropped my disguise, but I showed him I came in peace. I made him... all sorts of promises, not knowing, then, the character of the man, and the organization, I wanted to work with. I agreed to give them two beacons to study in secret. I always planned to return these beacons once they were done, and I insisted time was of the essence, but... our two nations had always been poised on the bring of war, and I fear my actions, while they did not immediately result in a declaration of war, were... how do you say... the straw that broke the camel's back?" He forced a fragile smile. Luc nodded, but did not look up from his parchment, still contentedly writing away, happy as could be, as if Essek wasn't confessing to the worst thing he had ever done, and simply recounting an innocent story from his youth.

"I did not wish for war to break out between our people, but when it was declared, the Martinet convinced me it was inevitable. The Dynasty and the Empire have been engaged in a shadow war for... decades, long before I took office, but my position as head of the Lens allowed me to check their movements, to ensure I could deliver the beacons without detection, and cut any ties connecting me to their theft. I told myself I was not selling out my country or my people; I told myself I was doing this for their own good, that if I learned the truth about these beacons, I would debunk the myth of the Luxon, and we would no longer have to devote our lives to the worship of a deity which does not exist, which was only concocted as a way to keep our people shackled to a new monarch, and a new icon, in the place of the one we lost." A pause, as his eyes darted over to the halfling, who looked a little confused. Well, he was the first drow he had ever met. He couldn't blame him. "You have heard of Lolth, yes?"

The halfling shook his head.

"One of the Betrayer Gods. Not very nice."

The halfling nodded _. "Not... very... nice,"_ he murmurred outloud, making a note in the margins.

"If your mother ever told you about our run in with the Caedogeist...? She was an immortal assassin, bound to serve Lolth. She particularly took... umbrage, with myself, for rejecting Lolth and the 'many, bountiful gifts she bestows on her followers.' But I took no pleasure in killing her. We are... so easily misled."

 _"...Drow?"_ Luc asked, scrinching up his eyes with confusion.

"People," Essek quickly corrected. "I have made many mistakes. I trusted the wrong people, fought for the wrong things. Now I see that, I think... it has made me more sympathetic, when I see others, who not out of cruelty, but out of the frailty of their natures are led astray. I don't know what sort of bard you are, but if you wish to impart any moral lesson from this episode, let it be that: try, even though it is difficult, to understand how loneliness, fear, and desperation, can drive even good people to do terrible things."

"I was all alone in the world, and cared for no one but myself, before the Nein found me. I had devoted my life to the pursuit of knowledge—whatever the cost. But they... changed me, with their love, melted my resolve, wore through my defenses... made me hate myself, and what I had done, because it caused them pain, because I had betrayed them long before I had ever met them, ever come to care for them, and there was no way to undo the damage I had done. But they forgave me, anyway, even though I did not deserve it. They gave me a second chance."

He remembered the way Caleb had kissed his forehead, in the same place where Essek had taught him to cast Fortune's Favour on his own. The way Jester had taken his hand, and Caduceus laughed, at his discomfort, unused to being shown even the faintest modicum of affection.

"I have since devoted my life to being... worthy of their forgiveness. We put an end to the war I started and returned the missing beacon. With Caleb's able assistance, I even returned the beacon the Dynasty was... previously unaware of, the beacon which had been kept a closely guarded secret by the Assembly, the beacon they had attempted to keep secret even from me."

 _"Caleb Widogast?"_ Luc repeated, eyes going wide as his head shot up. "My mother talks about him a lot. Was that when...?"

Essek took another sip of his tea, nodded.

"So you were there when he..." Luc looked around, to make sure no one was within earshot. The gesture nearly made Essek laugh. He had just confessed to committing treason by stealing holy relics and starting a war over tea, and Luc was worried about discussing the Assembly, a highly secretive organization whose members were unfamiliar to most of the population of their own country, let alone here in neutral territory, in public. He drew a hand across his throat.

Essek raised a brow, amused. "When he dispatched several members of the Assembly?" Luc nodded. "Yes, I was there. I helped him. I returned the beacon to the Dynasty, when I went to the Queen to confess my crimes. They wanted to execute me, anyway. Death is always the price for treason, and the Bright Queen... is not a forgiving woman. The Mighty Nein saved me, said they needed me to help them take down the Angel of Irons cult and stop the rise of Tharizdun, said they couldn't do it without me... which is a lie, of course they could! But their plea for mercy, in light of the three beacons they had brought, or restored, to the Dynasty... made them lenient. I was exiled from the Dynasty, and had to swear an oath never to return, but... I was allowed to go with my life, so long as I remained with the Nein and lived out my years fighting evil in penance."

"And... if you don't mind my asking... what happened to Caleb Widogast?"

"He, ah, well... he was, I fear, forced into hiding, in the aftermath of... what took place at the Assembly. He stayed with us for a few more years, until the cult was dealt with, and the trail leading back to him got too hot, then he just... skipped town one day, and never returned. Left a letter saying it was for the best, and he would miss us all dearly, but this was the only way he knew how to protect us."

"Is it true..." Luc began, than stopped, evidently nervous. "Mother said you loved him very much."

"I did."

"Did he love you?"

"I'd like to think so."

"Then why... I can't figure it out... why did he leave without saying goodbye?"

Essek paused, looked away, gazing intently over the simple garden which surrounded them, unsure how to explain this. It wasn't a story he had ever shared before, but he had no real reason to keep it a secret, now.

"He did say goodbye. We were staying in Nicodranas, and he came to my room before we left, woke me up. He was acting very strange, but I could not figure out what was wrong, and he refused to tell me. He kept saying he wanted to talk about other things, happier things. He wanted to reminisce. It was... sweet, I thought, or else it would have been, if he wasn't so clearly upset about something. Then he kissed me and said he was sorry, just like that. He didn't say what he was sorry for, just that he was sorry. Then he said... he was proud of me, and proud of what we had accomplished, all the good we've done, all the good I would go on to do... and then he gave me his spellbook."

"He gave you his spellbook?!" Luc's jaw dropped in shock. He may not have been a wizard himself, but he knew enough about wizards to know that parting with your spellbook was a big deal.

"He told me he wanted me to publish the spells he created, and the spells we created together. He wanted this knowledge to benefit mages throughout Exandria. He no longer wanted the likes of an Assembly, dictating who got what knowledge, or even a Cobalt Soul or Marbled Tomes, barring access by the general public to knowledge we both believed should be within everyone's reach."

"And what did you say?" Luc was staring up at him, now, wide-eyed, a captive audience. He even neglected his quill and parchment. He had long since neglected his tea.

"I told him I would. And he kissed me again, and said he would always love me, and that... was the last I ever saw of Caleb Widogast."

"When was that?"

"About ten years ago."

"Do you think he meant it?"

"What part?"

"That he loved you!"

Essek couldn't help smirking.

"What sort of book are you writing, anyway?"

"I write what my audience wants to read! Who doesn't want to read a story about star-crossed lovers?!"

Essek laughed a little at that. He had never considered his relationship with Caleb to be one of 'star-crossed lovers,' it wasn't like either of them had fallen madly in love at first sight. It just felt... right, spending time with one another, growing closer, enjoying eachother's company. It felt so natural, so inevitable, neither had really questioned why or when they fell in love. Their first kiss had been... cozy. They had first watch, and were sitting together underneath the stars, while their friends slept, and Caleb held his hand, because Essek said he was cold, and missed Rosohna, and Caleb asked so politely if he could kiss him, so he kissed him, and it was a few weeks before either mentioned it, of travelling on the road and sleeping underneath the stars, and exchanging long looks, and fighting enemies. When they did eventually return to civilization, they started rooming together, and no one batted an eye, because of course the wizards would want to share a room.

"I don't think this is the legacy Caleb expected, but... perhaps it will add some colour to his memory." A pause. "Please... remember him well in your book. He was a good man."

He was already famous throughout Wildemount, either for taking down the Assembly 'single-handedly' (he insisted all of the credit, and by extension, all of the blame, should fall to him, shielding Essek), or for the many spells he invented and 'gifted' to the people of the Empire, before disappearing mysteriously. Some said he journeyed out into the wilderness, so he could die fighting rather than die in chains at the hands of the Empire. Some say he simply became a hermit, and lives on a distant island somewhere, with only his books and cats to keep him company. But all agree it could not have been easy for him to leave behind his spellbook and his friends and his life of adventure. The Mighty Nein were famous throughout Exandria. Few credited them with stopping the war—although the war could not have been stopped without them—but they won much acclaim for putting an end to the cult trying to free the Chained Oblivion from his shackles.

"Mother's told me a lot about him, but... I don't know... I think he was her hero? She gets so starry-eyed... I wonder how much is true."

"He was truly one of the foremost mages of our time, let no one tell you otherwise."

"I hear you're pretty good at magic yourself."

Essek smiled and snapping his fingers, summoning a small cloud of dark matter, which danced about the air circling his hand. He made it dissipate with another snap.

"I'm alright."

 _"Whoa!"_ Luc exclaimed, wide-eyed. "Could you teach me how to do that?"

Essek shrugged. "Perhaps. Can you do any other magic?"

"My mother taught me a couple of cantrips, nothing serious. I'm much better with a crossbow."

"It's not for everyone."

"TJ usually handles the magic, me and Calliope handle the fighting, and Nugget keeps guard or scouts ahead."

 _"...TJ?_ You mean Beauregard's little brother?" Essek interrupted.

"He isn't little anymore!" Luc said with a laugh. "Surprised everyone the day he started casting spells. Didn't even have to learn it from books it just... came to him, like that." He snapped his fingers, like Essek had done to summon a burst of magic, only this time nothing happened.

"TJ does magic, how fascinating!" Essek couldn't help smiling at the irony of that, that Beauregard, who always got so frustrated when he and Caleb would talk about magic for hours, because she felt excluded, because it was the one thing she couldn't get her head around, had a mage for a brother.

"You should send him my way, someday. I am sure Caleb would have wanted me to teach him a few spells."

Beauregard wouldn't, but he felt more beholden to honouring Caleb's memory than hers. He liked Beauregard very much, perhaps more than anyone else in the Nein, besides Caleb and Jester, who had been so kind to him from the start, but he would never in a million years admit it to her, especially now that she was head of the Cobalt Soul. They had always had a healthy rivalry which he valued and appreciated, each working, particularly in battle, to outstrip the other. They would compete to see who could kill the most monsters, or who could run the fastest, or who could charm their way back into a tavern they had already been thrown out of twice. He couldn't help smiling, now, as he recalled _that_ particular incident. He had been very charming indeed, and won the bet, and even got a few free drinks out of, but Beau spent the rest of the night glowering at him, and Caleb spent the rest of the night with his arm around his shoulder, so the man guarding the door didn't get any ideas. Caleb very rarely got jealous, but Essek found it amusing when he did.

"How are your mother and father?" Essek asked, since they were on the subject of families.

"They're doing well. They were... sad to see me leave, but I think they're proud of me, and what me and my friends are trying to do."

"Writing a book about the Mighty Nein?"

"Well, I'm writing a book about the Mighty Nein... TJ doesn't like writing and Calliope doesn't like reading... but no, we're... we're adventurers, now! Or... we're trying to be. It's hard to get your foot in the door when you want to be heroes."

"I wish you and your friends luck, wherever your adventures take you," he said, with a wide smile. "Do you have any more questions for me? I fear the hour is drawing late, and I should return to my research..."

Dusk was already approaching, the days had drawn so short. Luc looked down at his parchment for a long moment before he found his place and took up his quill.

"I suppose if I just have one more question I'd like to ask... how did it end?"

"How did it end?" Essek repeated, arching a brow and tilting his head to one side. That seemed a rather abstract question.

"Yeah, how did it end? You told me how the war started, how you became friends, how you got exiled, how Mister Widogast left, and I know why my mother came home, but... how did it end?"

"You mean the Mighty Nein?"

"Yes!"

"Oh. Well. We won, didn't we?"

He dutifully wrote this down on his parchment, and then paused, clearly waiting for Essek to go on.

"After we stopped the war, we tried to put an end to the Cult of Irons, and that led us, eventually, back to the Assembly, who had cultists in their midst. We... dealt with them, then restored another beacon to the Dynasty, then I was exiled, then... we put to death the champions of Tharizdun, and secured their chains, and... saved Exandria."

"So that was it? You saved the world and then you all just... unanimously decided to retire?" He found it hard to believe seasoned adventurers like them could give up the life so easily.

"Not... exactly. Your mother was the first to leave, because she wanted to be with her family. Jester and Beauregard were married, quite happily, and Beauregard worked her way up through the ranks of the Cobalt Soul, eventually becoming the Head Archivist. She would still join us, when able, but her work kept her so busy we saw less and less of her. Jester would send messages every day, while we were on the road, and I am sure she still does, when they are not together in Zadash, but... last I saw them, Caduceus, Fjord, Yasha, and Jester were still restless as ever, determined to travel the world, helping whoever they could, and finding excitement in the most unlikely places. Caduceus... surprised me the most, I think. Jester and Fjord were born travellers, but Caduceus talked so often about his family and his home I think we all believed that as soon as he completed his mission he would return to them, but... one day, completely out of the blue, he called a meeting of the Mighty... _Five,_ as we had become by that stage... and said that he wanted to stay with us, that his place was here, and... he had revived us far too many times, by this stage, to trust us to survive five minutes on our own. He missed his family very much, and still visits whenever he can, but he decided he liked the open road, too. As far as I know, the four of them are still wandering the seas of Exandria, doing gods know what. Perhaps they've become pirates again."

Luc's jaw dropped at that admission. Essek could not stop smiling at the halflings excitement. He was enjoying himself, too, he found, the longer this went on.

"It was before my time, I'm afraid. You'll have to ask your mother, or track down one of the others."

"Understood. If you don't mind my asking, Sir... why did _you_ leave the Mighty Nein?"

It took Essek a moment to answer that question. It wasn't something he had given much thought, really.

"I enjoyed my time with the Mighty Nein very much. I learned so much from them, and I... owe them a debt too vast to ever repay, but... it wasn't the same, after Caleb left. They needed me more than ever, to make up for the loss of Caleb and Veth, and eventually Beauregard, and I tried so hard to help them, but Caleb's book worried me. As much as I loved adventuring, I knew I could do more good by carrying out his last wishes, by spreading this knowledge throughout Exandria, and helping mages who would, otherwise, have fallen under the power of another Cerberus Assembly, or feel forced to join their nation's military to learn how to control their magic. I didn't want that to happen. So I have taken... a break, from adventuring, to study, research, and teach. Every now and then Jester sends me a message, and I am teleporting to the other side of Exandria to aid them, because... I think that is what Caleb would have wanted, and because... I love them very much."

There was a time when he would have struggled to say those words outloud, even though he felt it, knew it, ever since that day in Nicodranas when they cornered him, demanding the truth. He knew he loved them. He knew he would do everything in his power to keep them from harm. And for the last twenty five years, he had done everything in his power, to keep them from harm.

"I'm so sorry about Mister Widogast... do you really think he's dead?"

"I fear he must be. I keep waiting for a letter to arrive, saying he has returned, safe and sound, and wants his spellbook back—I still have it, I have kept it safe all these years—but... no letter has ever come."

He bowed his head, and was surprised when the young halfling leaned forward to give his shoulder a reassuring pat.

"Thank you for taking time to talk with me, it was very generous of you. This is going to make such a good story!"

Essek smiled at that, lifted his head. "I am sure it will."

With that, he took leave of Luc Brenatto, who went off into the city in search of his friends and blink dog. As Essek walked back home to his quiet abode, he gave thanks _he_ did not have to look after a blink dog. He already had his arms full taking care of the cat.

 _How strange,_ he thought, as he approached his door, _what you get remembered for; what you don't. The parts people forget, or don't see. Don't think to._

He had thought, once, he would always be remembered as the man who stole the Light from the Dynasty, and unthinkingly caused two nations, already at each other's throats, to fall into war with one another. But instead it seemed posterity, at least outside of Xhorhas, would remember him as the man who helped his friends stop Tharizdun and save Exandria.

His home was simple and quiet, a secluded, rural cottage, overgrown flowers and crawling vines that would have made Caduceus weep with joy, if he could only see it. There were even some mushrooms and blackberries in the garden. But Essek knew nothing about gardening, or how to care from them, and as soon as the plants started overtaking the house, he let them. It wasn't a tower, true, but he had decided a tower would be too ostentatious for a mage in hiding. He took out a copper key, twisted it in the lock, opened the door, only to be greeted by a striped brown cat. He cooed, trying deftly to avoid stepping on the cat who kept twisting between his legs and feet as he closed the door and locked it behind him, restoring a protective ward as he did so with the casual ease of someone for which placing such wards was a daily ritual.

He slid through the entry way and into the kitchen, put on the kettle before heading into the drawing room, where there was a warm fireplace, a sofa, and many bookcases packed to the brim with books of every sort and size, in several languages. He found his redhead, nose in a book, stretched out longways across the sofa, and bowed down to kiss the top of his head. He didn't even look up from his book when Essek squeezed his shoulder.

"Have a nice walk?"

"I've been away all day, Caleb. It's night."

"Oh," Caleb hummed. All of the curtains had been drawn, and the room itself was dark, apart from the fireplace, and a few dancing lights Caleb had summoned. It wasn't like him to lose track of time, but he _was_ getting older, and his life here did not require him to keep constant track of the time, so it was natural he should slip up every now and then. Essek was always happy to correct him.

"I met an admirer of yours. Veth's son, all grown up. He wants to write a story about us."

 _"Us?"_ Caleb echoed, dubious.

"The Mighty Nein. He says we're _heroes."_

"Don't let it go to your head," Caleb said, attention still trained on his book. He flipped the page. Essek sat down on the floor, next to the sofa, beside him.

"You know if you wanted to meet him... I could try to arrange something?" Essek suggested, tilting his head onto Caleb's shoulder. His hair was going gray, but still long. He quite liked how distinguished it made him look, but he knew Caleb was self-conscious about it.

 _"Essek,"_ Caleb replied sternly. "We agreed it's better if everyone thinks I'm dead."

"I know, but... don't you get bored staying in here all day, with only me and Frumpkin to keep you company?" He asked. Frumpkin made a _'rrr'_ noise upon hearing his name and went to curl up in Essek's lap. Or perhaps Caleb told him to. Essek knew they could communicate telepathically, and always suspected Caleb and his familiar were conspiring against him. Caleb gave a heavy sigh, finally closing his book and turning his focus back to Essek. With some difficulty, he dropped to the floor beside him, slung an arm around his shoulder, and ran a hand over Frumpkin's head.

"Why should I get bored? I have all the books I could ask for, delivered to my door!" _("By me,"_ Essek interjects.) "By you. And I have the seaside, and our experiments, and my walks, and a beautiful garden, and Frumpkin, and you. What more do I need?"

"You had the world, before," Essek said, voice cracking. He still felt responsible for sealing Caleb away, even though he knew it was for his own good. Humans led such brief lifes. He didn't want him to feel he _had_ to spend those years here, with him.

Caleb took hold of Essek's chin, turned his face towards him. "Yeah, and you had a home _before._ All of us have lost things on this path. All of us made sacrifices. It's not easy being heroes. But look at me! I never thought I'd live to be an old man."

"You're not even sixty yet," Essek protested.

"I will be sixty _very_ soon, and I have no desire to become a lich like Halas... my only regret is I have so few years left to give you." Caleb kissed him, and Essek's frown disappeared. He closed his eyes and rested his head on Caleb's shoulder, still deep in thought. "What confuses me is why _you_ should want to stay. You're still so young and beautiful. The world could be yours, if you wanted it."

"I don't want the world. I like it here, with you." Another kiss, this time to his cheek. Frumpkin meowed, between them, forced to move out of the way. Essek gave him more pets. "Anyway, where am I going to find a better lab partner than the Late Archmage Caleb Widogast?"

Another kiss to the drow's cheek, as he summoned, from his wristpocket, a well-thumbed spellbook, and handed it back to Caleb.

"I kept it safe for you. Did you know Beauregard's brother is a mage? I think we should send him some spells."

More kisses. "Yes. Later. I love you."

"But are we _star-crossed?"_

"Hm?"

"Luc thinks we're star-crossed lovers."

"What a sweet thought! So you told him everything, did you?"

"I told him I was a terrible villain and a spy who sold out my people for forbidden knowledge and was nearly executed for treason... and his favourite part was when you kissed me good-bye _forever_."

"It felt like forever! I didn't see you for _weeks!"_ Caleb lamented, dramatically, sinking into Essek's lap the moment Frumpkin vacated it. Essek took to running his hands through his hair, which had also grown out.

"You're worse than the cat," he observed with a smile. "For an incurable liar, I think I did a pretty good job telling the truth. You haven't written me a letter in years."

The kettle started whistling in the kitchen. How quiet and simple their life had become. Such a change from fighting dragons and immortal champions... but they were happy.

Essek used to get no rest at night, reflecting on his past, and all the things he would have done differently. But now he knew he would repeat all the same mistakes, because they made possible an ending like this.


	3. Bittersweet Blackberries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something soft for Day 4: Cupcakes/Wine! Sorry I'm running late. S/o to the ETFC for inspiring this one, love you guys!

The Nein had finally returned to the Xhorhaus after a prolonged absence. It took them longer than expected to get to Travellercon, and even longer to return. Jester sent Essek a message to say they were back, but it took him a few days of deliberation before he finally got the nerve to give them a visit, hoping they would still let him in. Since their last meeting had been... tense, he decided it was best not to arrive empty-handed. He placed an order with a local bakery, and also picked up some tea and another bottle of wine, before arriving at the door of the Xhorhaus, laden with gifts.

He knocked on the door. He heard Jester's voice on the other side, asking 'who is it?'

"Jester, I come in peace. I've brought cupcakes and tea," he announced.

Jester immediately opened the door and gasped.

"You did! Come in, come in," she said, waving him inside. He glided in, arms full of pastries. Jester called Caduceus over to help carry them, and they set down the boxes and a bottle of plum wine on the table. Yasha was playing the bone harp. Caleb was sitting on the sofa reading a book. Beau was lying on the floor, also reading. Essek took off his mantle, hanged it by the door, and let his feet touch the ground.

"I hope you like them. They're blackberry, a local specialty. I also brought some tea for Caduceus, and some wine, for everyone else..." before he could finish, Jester had already launched herself into his side for a violent hug.

"They look so delicious! Thank you, Essek, you're the best!"

Jester and Caduceus passed the pastries around, and then Caduceus brewed some of the tea, told Essek they smelled nice. A herbal, local concoction, that Essek had loved from his youth, he thought the unique blend of spices might impress the firbolg.

"You can't buy our affections with baked goods!" Beau shouted from the floor, setting aside her book. She still accepted the cupcake Jester shoved in her face without hesitation, although she inspected it for a good minute before taking a bite. "Okay, these are pretty good... but don't let it go to your head."

When Jester got around to Caleb, he took a bite, seemed pleased, quietly murmurred his thanks. Jester promised to save one for Yasha, when she was done playing, but encouraged her to keep going, because she played so beautifully. She was getting better by the day.

"Hey, Essek, we were just thinking what a good idea it would be to learn how to make our own cupcakes! Do you want to join us?"

Essek struggled to get hold of his own tongue, looked from Jester to Caduceus, who was clearly the other member of her _'us.'_

"Oh, I am not sure, I don't want to impose..."

"You're not imposing, Essek! We love having you around. We could start the first lesson today!" She went on, undaunted by his flustered look. "Why not? You're not busy, are you, Caleb?"

Caleb looked perplexed, still trying to figure out a way to eat the cupcake so the icing wouldn't get stuck in his stubble. "Why do you need my help? I'm no good at baking."

"They're so dumb," Beau quipped with a sigh, striding over to Jester and leaning past her to reach the pastry box still open on the table.

"This means nothing. You're still on thin ice," she told Essek, glaring a little as she made quick work of the second cupcake. 

"Alright. I will help," Essek finally conceded, eyes dancing between Beau and Jester. "Where do we start?"

Jester quickly shepherded him into the kitchen, and fetched aprons for everyone as Caduceus got together everything they would need for baking.

Essek could not be further out of his depths, but he followed orders, bowing to Caduceus' superior wisdom. Jester did the measuring, and poured the ingredients into one big bowl, than shoved it into Essek's arms and told him to stir it. Then she set to work mixing up the icing. She told Caduceus they had to make them really colourful, so he got a little experimental, coming up with different ways to naturally dye the icing different colours. The base of the cupcakes would be blackberry & cream, of course, because that was Essek's favourite, and he was their 'special guest.' Essek blushed, at the accolade which did not seem deserved, but he barely got a word in, Caduceus and Jester were so determined to make their alchemical enterprise perfect. Essek was giving a different bowl to stir. Beau, Fjord, and Caleb were still in the next room, and called over now and then, or snuck by of their own accord, to be their official taste testers. Caleb liked the aniseed and cinnamon icing, Fjord preferred the chocolate and caramel, and Beau liked the more... exotic flavours which Caduceus took particular pains over.

Essek was still quite happy with his berry-flavoured icing, even though the berries were hard to mash and stir up, but he was glad Caleb looked his cinnamon and nutmeg spice icing, too. He even _smiled_ when he handed back the bowl.

 _"Very good,"_ he murmurred in a thick Zemnian accent, and Essek nearly dropped it.

 _Gods, I'm a mess._ He brushed his batter covered hands on his apron, trying to ignore the mess they had made of the kitchen, and focus on the finished product.

The first batch of cupcakes were already in the oven, and they had poured out batter into little cups for the second batch. The first batch is slightly burned, but the second batch is just right, and comes out of the oven a light golden brown.

Before Essek could set aside the bowl full of batter, Jester tugged on his arm, and brought a hand up to his ear, like she was imparting a great secret, and told him the batter was actually the best part. She got a spoonful of batter, and started licking it. He nodded, and took the closest utensil at hand, a bread knife, tried to catch some batter on the edge.

"The icing is the most fun, but we have to wait until the cupcakes have calmed down before we can ice them."

Essek nods, sagely, as he licks cake batter off a knife.

"I could give you a spoon," Caduceus suggests, giving him a worried look.

"I'm fine," Essek mumbles quietly, over his batter. He is careful to avoid the sharp edges.

 _"Ah! Too late! I've got the spoon!"_ Beau says, triumphally snatching the stirring spoon from Caduceus' outstretched hand.

The cupcakes are iced, lovingly, by hand, in several different shades and flavours. Pink icing for her and Caduceus, orange for Caleb, green for Beau, yellow for Veth, chocolate for Yasha, and blue for Fjord. She ices the last one purple.

"For you, Essek! See, it matches your clothes... and Caleb's... did you know you two match?"

Essek feigns ignorance. "I suppose we do. Anyway. It's getting late, I should really be going..."

"Funny how you lose track of time when you're having fun. You _are_ having fun, right?"

Essek surprises himself by answering _yes,_ he is having fun. More fun than he's had in a long time, and he hasn't even cast a single spell, all evening.

"I know what! We could have a sleepover!" Jester exclaimed, clapping her hands together in her excitement. Essek wondered how any one person could have such an inexhaustible supply of energy.

Caleb was sitting at the table with his head buried in a book. Frumpkin was sleeping next to the bowl of fresh fruit in the centre. As Essek's eyes flitted over to him he seemed to sink even further into his chair.

"I don't know about that..."

"Come on, Essek, it will be totally fun! We can all eat cupcakes and play party games and pretend we're camping, except this time we're nice and cozy indoors!"

He had her at a disadvantage, now. He couldn't stop her when she reached over to grab hold of his hand, and look so beseechingly up at him with those violet eyes she was so good at batting.

So of course he stayed the night. The rest of the Nein were quickly brought onboard with a sleepover when they saw how happy it made Jester, and when they saw a rainbow of blackberry cupcakes waiting to be devoured. Furniture was moved out of the way to make room for camp bedrolls, blankets, duvets, and several pillows of varying sizes. The curtains were drawn and Caleb cast dancing lights in a gentle amber to suspend in the air over their heads as they gathered in a circle in the middle of the drawing room. A few bottles of wine were opened up, and assorted 'party games' were suggested. None of these were familiar to Essek, but Jester and Fjord dutifully explained them.

No one could agree on what they would play, so eventually a vote was taken, and a coin was tossed, and they landed on truth or dare—Jester's own suggestion. Essek was not convinced he should join their game—he knew that while Jester and Caduceus had been very friendly, he was still received with mistrust by the others and did not wish to ruin their fun by participating where he was not wanted—but Beau took his reluctance personally.

"You're _still_ afraid to be honest with us, aren't you, Essek?" She accused.

"Never trust a hot boy," Veth added quietly, nodding as she locked eyes with Essek.

He looked, confused, between them. "This is precisely why I did not wish to play, I don't want to spoil your evening..."

"No, Essek, you're the reason we're having this sleepover, you have to play along! If you don't want to play this game..."

"No! We are playing this game. And we are upping the stakes. Jester, cast Zone of Truth."

"Beau, I don't think..."

"Why not? Caduceus, don't you think its a good idea? This is a trust game, after all, and we _want_ to trust you, Essek. So give us a chance."

Jester looks to Essek for permission before going ahead with the spell. He looks to Beau with a sigh, shaking his head.

"Alright, if that's what it takes. I don't have any desire to lie to you or your friends, Beauregard."

"Good. So the spell makes no difference." She popped open a bottle of wine, tipped it back, then passed it to Caleb, who slugged back perhaps more than was healthy, before passing it along. It quickly made the wrongs, only Jester and Caduceus letting it pass them by, before it came back to Beau, who was sitting next to Caleb, across from Essek, who found it safest to stay close to Jester, his only trustworthy ally against Beau and Veth's suspicion.

Jester casts Zone of Truth over them. 

The wine is very good. Truth or dare is a trust game, as Beau said. She is on her guard at first. As soon as its her turn, she directs her first question at Essek, because of course she does, and he answers 'truth,' because what else can he answer when she puts him on the stop like this, asking him to prove his honesty?

"Why did you _really_ come here tonight? And don't tell me it was just to deliver pastries."

"I came here tonight..." he begins with a heavy sigh, feeling the pull of the divine magic and carefully mulling over his choice of words, "because I missed you all. It gets lonely in my tower, sometimes, and... I heard you had recently returned to Rosohna, and... I _wanted_ to see you, and as it's my birthday, I thought... I don't know, I thought I would rather go here, and be interrogated, than be alone."

 _"IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!"_ Jester exclaims so loud, and so close to Essek's ear, he winces a little. _"Why didn't you tell us?!_ I would have got you a present, made you a card..."

"You really don't have to, I've had a wonderful day already..."

"Really?! Great!" Jester cheers, and knocks back another glass of milk, as the rest of the Nein wish him a happy birthday, and then it's Fjord's turn. 

"Truth or dare!"

"Dare!"

Veth dares him to visit their neighbours, the Bylen's, in just a towel, knock on their door, and ask for butter.

"Just a _towel?_ That's ridiculous, you've already done that once..."

"And it was funny! That's why we want to do it again!"

"You can give the man some dignity!" Caduceus interrupted. "Let him at least wear a bathrobe."

"Alright. Bathrobe. Now go change, and get moving, buster. If you're not back in fifteen minutes I will assume you died of embarassment on the way," Veth ordered.

Fjord grumbled a bit but went upstairs to fetch a bathrobe, and trudged downstairs, stomping loudly, and out the door.

"Shouldn't one of us go with him to make sure he goes through with it?" Beau asked.

"We'll know if he brings back some butter he got it somewhere," Caleb replied.

"You _really_ think they're going to give him butter?" Essek interrupted, raising a brow. He didn't know how nobles behaved in the Empire or Menagerie Coast, but in Xhorhas... nobles very rarely gave anything away for free, least of all to unwanted strangers knocking on their door out of the blue, clothed or not.

Fjord came back, triumphant, but he didn't look happy. He set down a tiny plate with a small slither of butter on it before them, and Jester gasped, before clapping. "Well done, Fjord!"

"What did you do, sweet talk Mrs Bylen?"

"I think she did rather take a shine to me, actually..."

Their were scandalised _'ooos'_ and _'ahhs,'_ but the game quickly continued. 

"Truth or dare... Caleb." He perked up, when Beau said his name.

"Ah... truth."

"Do you love us?"

"That's... a stupid question, of course I love you."

"All of us?"

"The Mighty Nein are my family. I love you all."

"Good. I'm glad to hear it. But do you want to kiss any of us?"

Caleb went red, but he looked more angry than embarassed, narrowing his eyes at Beau.

"You don't have to answer that, Caleb!" Veth interrupted. "She already asked you a question. It's your turn, Cay-Cay," she insisted, giving his arm a light pat. 

"Beau. Truth or Dare?"

"Dare!"

"She always chooses dare, just like Fjord," Veth explains to Essek, who is still new to this game. He nods. Of course she does. She's an Expositor, after all. Just as good at hiding their own secrets as they are at sussing out the secrets of others.

"I dare you to kiss Jester."

Now it was Beau's turn to get angry.

"Oh, that's easy!" Jester says, crawling over blankets and cushions to pull Beau down at the shoulder, and leaning forward to press a quick kiss to her lips which makes Beau go bright red, too.

 _Do all humans do that?_ Essek wonders. Beau sinks back down next to Caleb, swigs some more wine, then gives him a dark look. 

Now it's Jester's turn. She looks around the circle, choosing her next victim.

"Uhhmmm... _Essek! Birthday boy!_ Truth or dare?"

His eyes dart back to Beau, than Caleb, than Fjord, who all look to be in varying shades of disarray. He isn't sure he can take any more 'truths,' so he goes for dare. After all, he likes to live dangerously.

"Okay. I dare you to..." she scans the room, considering. "I know! I dare you to kiss Caleb!"

 _"W-what?"_ Caleb stammers out, choking on his wine. 

Essek opens his mouth, closes it.

Beau throws her hands up. "What kind of dare is that?!"

"I don't think it would be proper to kiss one my students..." he mumbles quietly, but no one's paying attention to him now.

Fjord cuts in with: "Beau's right, we really should take kissing off the table..."

"What if I kiss his hand?" Caleb suggests. That still seems very... personal.

Essek feels lightheaded, takes another swig of wine while no one's watching.

 _"WAIT! That's not fair!_ You just made me kiss Jester, now you turn around and say kissing's off-limits! If I did it so can you, you big dumb stupid wizard..." 

"We could give them some privacy," Caduceus suggested. "We didn't follow Fjord. It is a trust game, after all."

"Perfect!" Beau said, grabbing Caleb by the arm and lifting him up off the ground. "Grab Essek, Yasha. Broom cupboard. Take your time, we'll wait."

Essek quickly moved to his feet, not wanting to be dragged by the muscle-bound barbarian, and glitted over to Caleb's side, as they were showed to the broom cupboard. Beau closed the door behind them. 

* * *

"You could have just said no," Caleb said, once they were inside.

"I could have. But I am already on thin ice, here."

Caleb frowns, looks down. The cupboard is quite small and very dark. The faintest slither of light cuts in through the slit under the door, but it barely breaks up the darkness. They are forced to stand awkwardly close together, like this, in almost pitch black.

"I can't see," Caleb admits, the faintest smile twisting the corner of his lip.

"I can," Essek responds. "It's a nice view."

"It's a broom cupboard, Essek."

"I wasn't talking about the brooms."

Caleb cleared his throat, turned his head so at least they weren't eye to eye.

Essek's eyes reflected that faint glimmer of light, like Frumpkin's, so he could find them even in that tiny, dark, airless cupboard.

"We don't have to go through with this, we can just pretend..."

"They will know we are lying."

Zone of Truth did not extend quite as far as the broom cupboard, but they would still be able to question them outside of it.

"Than we can tell them this game is ridiculous! It's not right to... coerce someone into getting locked in a cupboard with you."

"I don't need to be _coerced,_ Caleb."

Essek had been standing on the ground, but stock straight, with his hands held at his side, but he slowly raised one to grab hold of the lapel of Caleb's jacket. Maybe it was like tearing off a plaster. Better to just kiss him quickly, and get it over with, and then they could go back to ignoring their feelings and move on with their lives as if this never happened. It's not as if he hasn't done that before, with others. It was just... _easier,_ because he wasn't in love with them.

"Did you really miss us?" Caleb asked in a small voice.

"Yes."

The human nodded, lowered his eyes. "I've missed you, too."

Essek's eyes flit down to his full lips, the faint smattering of stubble he wanted so badly to feel underhand. He opened his mouth. But Caleb wouldn't let him speak until he'd said his piece.

"Do you have any idea how much it hurt me when you said you only wanted to get close to us because of the beacons? I should be upset about the beacons like Beau and Veth are, but... what hurt most was the thought that all this time... when I thought we were growing so close, when I was starting to trust you... when I thought we were _friends..._ you were only using me."

"Caleb, I never meant..."

"The worst part is I intended to use you, too, when we first met!" He laughed, nervously. "I'm such a fucking hypcorite! I thought you would teach me spells, if I played my cards right, and you did, and I... I don't _know_ when it stopped being a game, I just know... it stopped being a game... because I wanted _so badly_ to believe I could trust you! I don't... find it easy, to trust people, Essek. But I _wanted_ to... and... I _did_ trust you, that day you came to dinner. I gave you secrets, I gave you that vial, because I _do_ care about you, Essek. I care so much for you, even though I know I shouldn't, and I know, now, you were just using me, and I know you have done terrible things, which I cannot forgive, and... for some reason the list of reasons I've made in my head for why I shouldn't care for you... hasn't stopped me from caring for you, even though I _know..._ I cannot trust you, and I hate the way you make me feel!"

Essek raised his hand to cup the side of his face, gently, and angle it down, so Essek could look his fill. He was spiralling fast, but Essek refused to let him spiral any further. He hadn't been able to say or do anything, when Caleb wound up on his doorstep, a nervous wreck over that Scourger, but... he could do something now, something he couldn't do _then._ He could be honest with him.

"I could never harm you, Caleb. You're the best friend I've ever had, and... I know you may never forgive me... I know I don't deserve forgiveness... but it won't change the fact I love you. I think I would always love you, even in a hundred timelines."

Caleb opened his mouth to respond, but before he could, Veth was already knocking at the door impatiently _._ _"Are you done yet?! It's been ages!"_

Caleb hastily grabbed hold of Essek's hand, dragging him forward, and pressed a quick kiss to his forehead before Veth opened the door. Essek darted back, away from Caleb, as much as he could in the cramped cupboard, and Caleb wasted no time marched out of the cupboard with a stoneface.

"Did ya kiss him?" Veth asked, tilting her head to one side to try and look past him at Essek.

"Ja. I kissed him right here." Caleb pointed to the place on his own forehead where he'd kissed him. Veth shook her head, disappointed. "You never said _where_ I had to kiss him."

There were some boos from the others, but Caleb ignored them, took the bottle of Lionett wine out of Beau's hand and swigged a good mouthful before handing it back. She shook her head, said: "That bad, huh?" and gave him a reassuring pat on the back. Her vengeance streak had run its course.

Essek took another moment to rejoin the group, but when he did, he was surprised to find that during their 'interim' in the broom cupboard, the Mighty Nein had been busy. A few decorations had hastily been put up, and a tray of cupcakes had been pushed together to serve as a makeshift birthday cake, with a tiny candle stuck in the top of each one. 

"Caleb, light the candles!" Jester insisted, and Caleb produced a small flame, and their 'cake' fluttered into light. The candles were rather percariously placed, and in danger of falling over or drifting away in several places.

It looked like a fire hazard. Essek said as much to Jester, who shushed him.

"I thought you liked danger!

"Not where you all are concerned."

He was fast coming to see that Jester was his favourite member of the Nein, especially now that he had ruined all chance of salvaging his friendship with Caleb.

Jester motioned him over to sit next to her, fastened a colourful hat to his head, and told him to blow out the candles. 

"Whatever for?"

"It's a tradition in the Empire. You make a wish, and then blow out the candles," Fjord explained.

"Do these wishes always come true?"

"Always. But you have to keep them a secret, and you only get one wish a year so make sure it's a good one," Jester insisted. Essek nodded, bowing to her sage wisdom. 

He closed his eyes, made a wish, and blew out the candles, to cheers and applause. He wasn't really sure why, but he smiled up at them, pleased. Then Jester launched into his side, hugged him tightly, to a chorus of happy-birthdays and salutations. Caduceus took the tray away, once he had, fished out the candles and let people take cupcakes off the tray. They hastily ate them up, complimenting the bakers.

"Are all birthdays like this in the Empire?" Essek asked Fjord, once they had quieted down.

"None of them. But we are making the most of what we've got." He fished some tinsel out of his hair. "Which one of you mistaked me for a tree?"

When they had all finished eating, and drinking, and playing games, the glasses and dishes were collected and taken to the kitchen. While Yasha, Caleb, and Jester took down decorations and made nice the sleeping area, Fjord, Caduceus, and Essek did the washing up. Essek seized the opportunity to thank Caduceus, again, for the baking lessons, and asked if there might be any more, in future. Caduceus cried: "Certainly!" and Essek smiled, because his heart was full, and he loved these people so much more than he could _explain._

He thought back to what Caleb had said, about trying to rationalise feelings. Maybe that's where they both went wrong; they had tried to turn feelings, and people, into a calculation, a problem which could be solved.

When they were done cleaning up, they headed back into the living room, and to their beds. Fjord is out like a light, but Caduceus warns he sometimes gets bad nightmares and wakes in the night, and not to worry, unless he is attacked by fish people, which... is perhaps the most ominous statement Essek has heard all week, but its delivered with such casual ease he tries to take it in stride. The firbolog is soon in his makeshift hammock, snoring away. Veth is already asleep, her bedroll at the foot of Caleb's. Beau is blind drunk but makes a point of tucking Jester into her bedroll and kissing her good-night on the cheek before stumbling over to her own bedroll and falling asleep like a rock. Caleb and Veth are both situated in the corner by her. Essek ends up between Fjord and Yasha, on the side of the room nearest the door, which isn't too bad. Neither of them snore as badly as Beau or Caduceus. Essek reflects on the day he's had and slowly drifts to sleep himself, thinking about wine and cupcakes and new found friends.

* * *

Approximately two and a half hours later, he is awoken by a small blue tiefling shaking his shoulder in the middle of the night.

"Essek! Are you awake?" She asked, in a loud whisper. He jolts up onto his elbows, panicking, but when he looks about the dark room he sees nothing amiss.

"Are you alright?!"

Jester nods.

"Oh, I'm fine! I just can't sleep. So I built a blanket fort. But blanket forts aren't much fun when you're by yourself, so... I thought I'd invite you."

She woke him up in the middle of the night... to show him a blanket fort? _Terrific._

"Can't you invite Beau?" He asked, but Jester shoots a glance in the direction of the sleeping monk and his eyes follow. She was snoring loudly.

"She's still sleeping off the wine. Can't wake her up. Come on, just take one quick look, then you can go back to bed," she insists, tugging at his arm, imploringly. It reminds him of when Verin was little, and they still shared a room.

Essek slowly pushed himself up off the ground and onto his feet, then helpless to refuse that tiefling anything, she dragged him over to where she had set up a quite admirable little blanket fort, just the right size for two people. There were many pillows arrayed inside, and she had decorated the 'walls' with pictures she had drawn herself, most of their friends and various pets, and the odd dragon. There is also a ferret dancing about the pillows.

She points to one picture in particular, recently drawn, of the Mighty Nein with Essek 'hovering' in the middle, just off the ground. "See, there you are! You can tell because he's foating, and has big ears. Not that that's a bad thing. I like your ears," she was quick to qualify, as she moved aside a plate of cheese and crackers so Essek could sit down beside her.

It was a lovely picture, which he liked very much. "Thank you, Jester. It is a beautiful picture."

"You can keep it, if you want! As a birthday present."

"That's very sweet of you, Jester. I think I will."

He takes the picture in hand, then hugs her, a little awkwardly. He still isn't used to hugs, but Jester doesn't seem to mind. She hugs him back. As she pulls away she takes up his hand.

"You know you can always come here to visit, or send a message, right? I know what it's like to feel all alone in the world. That's how I felt, before I found the Traveller. But you're not alone, now. You don't have to watch the world pass you by from your tower, or your mother's brothel, daydreaming about other people's lives, or reading about other people's adventures from books. Those days are over. You can come be a part of ours."

"Thank you, Jester. You're a good friend."

She kisses his cheek lightly, then shoves the plate of crackers and cheese in Essek's direction, imploringly. He takes up a handful, tries to eat them. They keep getting stuck in his teeth. He fishes one out of his fang as Jester gives him a careful once over. He certainly doesn't look like a Shadowhand in his sleepclothes (which were much too big for him, since they had to borrow Fjord's) and bedhead making him look rather disheveled, and the rings around his eyes, and the crumbs all over his mouth and hands, made him look more like a real live person than he ever had, when he was floating in an intimidating mantle with his head high. But she could tell he was still sad.

"I'm sorry I made you kiss Caleb. I thought it would be a nice present—everyone likes kisses!—but Fjord told me afterwards that I had made you uncomfortable." 

Essek shrugs, touches the place on his forehead where Caleb had kissed him, without thinking. "It's alright, you don't have to apologise. It's not what either of us wanted, but I think... it's what we needed."

"You really like him, don't you?"

Essek nods.

"Does he know?"

"Now he does," Essek says, hanging his head.

Jester darts forward, jaw dropping, to grab hold of his shoulders. 

"You mean tonight?! During truth or dare?! _Oh my god, Essek! I'm so proud of you!_ That must have been so scary! What did he say?!"

"I... don't know. Veth opened the door before he could answer."

_"Oh wow, you HAVE to talk to him tomorrow!"_

"To say what? I'm sorry? He knows how I feel, and I know... that he 'hates' caring for me."

"Caleb's not good at talking about feelings. You kind of have to bully him a little if you want him to admit he has any." A pause, while she looks long and hard at the drawings on her wall. "If you don't mind me asking... when did you _know_ you liked him? Like, _really_ like him?"

Essek shrugged, took a bite out of another cracker. "Hard to say," he mumbled, as he ate. "It wasn't... love at first sight, or anything like that, I just... knew, one day." He screwed up his eyes, combing over his memory. "Ah. It might have been that day with the Scourger, in the Dungeon of Penance... I already knew, before that, that I enjoyed his company, and found him attractive, but... I think it took seeing him in danger, seeing him _hurt,_ for me to realise... just how bleak my world would be, if he weren't part of it. That's why I taught him those spells. I wanted to keep him safe, when I wasn't around to protect him. I knew... he would never feel the same way about me, but it was nice, just spending time with him, just being close. It was enough. I told myself it would be enough."

"But now you kinda want to kiss him, huh?" She said, with a wink, elbowing him.

"I've _always_ wanted to kiss him, Jester. That part isn't new. What I didn't account for was... falling in love."

Jester nodded, sympathetically, gave his shoulder a pat. "I think I know what you mean. I still remember how scared I was when I thought Beau died, during that fight in the Chantry. I mean, she's always been my best friend, but... I don't know. I think I took it for granted, that she'd _always_ be there, because she'd _always_ been there before, you know? We're roommates, so she's usually the first person I see in the morning, and the last person I see before I go to bed, and I think... I think I took that for granted, but after the fight... well, I thought she was mad at me, because it took me so long to get to her side and heal her, and she said she was going to sleep alone... I hugged her real tight before we went to bed, and she told me not to worry, but... I couldn't _stop_ worrying, all night, about what would have happened if shewere _really_ gone, and I wasn't there to revive her, or didn't have any diamonds!"

Essek's thoughts briefly flitted back to the night, on the boat, when Jester had hurriedly sent him a message requesting diamonds, and his stomach sank. He shook his head. It was probably nothing so serious as that...

"And then she goes and offers her life to some hag in the woods and that's when I dropped everything and stormed right in and said no, we're not having that! You go through me, first!"

Jester went on, forcefully, brushing off her fingers. "So I fixed everything. Because _nobody_ hurts my friends, and gets away with it."

He appreciated the sentiment. He felt the same way about the Nein, even though he knew he wasn't _really_ apart of them, despite all Jester and Caduceus' kind words and invitations.

"If I talk to Caleb tomorrow... will you talk to Beau?" Essek suggested. This is what friends do, right? Help and encourage each other?

She looked on him with a blank expression. "About what?"

"You two seem... close. It looks as if there was more to that kiss than meets the eye."

"It was just a kiss. Why should I talk to Beau about a kiss it's just a kiss we're best friends we kiss each other all the time. Should I get more crackers? I don't think we have enough crackers..." She tried to get up onto her knees, without knocking her head against the top of the blanket fort, and take up the plate, but Essek lightly takes hold of her arm, stopping her.

"Jester. I see the way Beau looks at you. Her eyes hardly left you all evening. She was blind drunk and still remembered to tuck you in and kiss your cheek before going to bed."

"Because we're friends! That's what friends do!"

"Then maybe I've got everything wrong with Caleb..."

"Wait, he _did_ kiss you?!" Jester asked, perking up. Essek shook his head.

"No! I just meant because we are... were... such good friends, before... or I thought so anyway... I just wish he'd stop being so cryptic. 'I care for you, but I hate it' ...what does that even mean?!"

"It means you need to talk to him tomorrow morning. Pinky swear?"

"What?" He looks perplexed when she holds her hand up and out, towards him.

He extends his slowly, cautiously, and she slides their fingers together, interlocking them. 

"I swear I will talk to Beau tomorrow morning, if you talk to Caleb."

"I swear." She tightens her hold on his fingers, then releases them, leans back into her pillow pile with a sigh, flicking her tail about.

"Now what happens?" Essek asks.

"We are now solemnly bound by an oath to fulfill the promise we made."

"What happens if we break that promise?" He questions, narrowing his eyes.

"Everyone who breaks a pinky promise dies horribly. Like, with an axe through the back of their head. Not that I would know what that looks like."

Essek nods. He is learning so many new customs tonight.

They finish off the plate while Jester tells Essek stories about Nicodranas, and the Ruby of the Ssa, and the Traveller, which all makes her sound like the leading player in a fairytale. Essek trades a few stories of his own, about growing up the son of an umavi in a prominent den, about the antics he has observed nobles getting up to, about your brother. Jester seemed to jump at the chance of their being _two_ hot boys in Xhorhas, and Essek told her she can have him if she wants him. Essek eventually falls asleep, and Jester soon follows after blowing out the rest of the candles, hugging one of the many small pillows she had collected to her chest, and tangled up in her own tail.

* * *

Essek woke a few hours later. Jester was still fast asleep so he took up her drawing and emerged from the blanket fort. As he looked around him, he saw most of the Nein still fast sleep. But he could smell Caduceus cooking in the kitchen, and see fresh tea set out on the table, along with several cups. Caleb was sitting at the table beside one, but his chair was pulling out an angle, to face his sleeping friends. He gave Essek a curious look.

"Is that _your_ blanket fort?" He asks, a bemused smile finally finding it way up to his lips at the sight of Essek with his hair dishevelled, drowning in one of Fjord's too-large sleepshirts. He would have been better off borrowing one of Beau's, but that probably wasn't his style. Not that Caleb didn't appreciate the thought of Essek in a crop top.

"No, its... ah... Jester's, she made it last night."

Essek rose to his feet, started walking over to the table, and Caleb, with purpose. He waved the drawing in his hand that Jester had made him, proudly. Such a lovely drawing.

"I wish I knew how to thank her enough for all she's done, but... I don't think I can." 

Caleb nodded. He could relate. "Ja, well. She's a sweet kid. She always sees the best in people."

Essek took a chair close to Caleb, sat down, and poured himself a cup of hot tea, cleared his throat. Several minutes passed of silence, where Caleb stared at Essek, but the elf kept his eyes downcast as he sipped his tea and composed his thoughts.

"We seem to be at a strange impasse. I care for you, and you care for me... and neither of us intend to do anything about it."

"Essek, I don't want to talk about this here..." Caleb said, gesturing to their sleeping friends, scattered across the floor.

"Then we can go somewhere else, but I don't think putting this conversation off is wise."

Caleb nodded. "Ja, you're probably right. Why don't we go to my study?"

Essek told him to lead the way, as if he hadn't been there several times before, to teach him spells. Once inside, he closed the door, offered Essek a chair. He said he would rather stand for this, so Caleb remained standing.

Essek mulled over what to say. He was tempted to start with an apology. But Caleb had said he cared, too, even though initially all he wanted was a few spells, as Essek expected. He could see through his lies, but it didn't matter because... he wanted to teach him those spells anyway. He had to chase that thread. He turned to face Caleb. So much had changed. Nothing had changed. The same ache in his heart. The same _dread_ that always follows feeling too much, at once.

"Can you still be friends with me, knowing what I've done? Knowing my past?" Essek asked.

Caleb looked deep in thought, but eventually nodded.

"In that case, you should know... I will do everything in my power to help you take down the Assembly. Including... giving you spells, if you require them."

He knew that was all he was, now, all he could be; a way for Caleb to get more spells, to become stronger. He could live with that, if it meant Caleb and his friends were _safe._

"I don't want spells, Essek. I want to trust you again." Essek's smile faltered, but didn't fade.

He lowered his head, so Caleb took up his face in his hands, lifting it.

"So I'm giving you a second chance. Don't waste it." And Caleb kissed him. Essek leaned into the kiss, grabbing hold of Caleb's hair, the back of his neck, as his arms slipped around Essek's waist, and pulled him close, stealing his breath away.

Essek combed a hand through his hair, smiling softly, when he broke away. Hoped Jester was this lucky, when it was her turn.

"We should get locked in cupboards more often," he hummed, as he dabbed a bit of icing off Caleb's cheek.

"Did you mean it when you said you loved me?" He asked, smiling, as Essek drew his fingers away, only to pull him into a close embrace. He wasn't the only one smiling, now.

"More than all the stars in Xhorhas."


	4. I'll Be Your Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day 5: Teaching/Invention. Caleb sneaks away from the Xhorhaus because he wants another lesson. Essek gets worried.  
> Titles from the Velvet Underground song. Better a week late than never, right? I have an idea for the AU one, too, I will get around to writing someday soon. Thanks for all the comments + kudos!

Caleb appeared on Essek's doorstep without warning, after several weeks of silence from the Mighty Nein. Essek should have had questions. He _did_ have questions. Hundreds of questions. But he couldn't bring himself to ask a single one, because Caleb had just appeared on his doorstep, unannounced, after weeks of silence. He was in danger, he had to be. Or else the Nein were. Except... he was smiling. He smiled at him.

"I hope you're not busy, Thelyss?"

A protracted silence followed, as Essek took in the man before him's apperance. He looked a little weathered, a little sleep-deprived, but otherwise... intact and unharmed. Yet there was still something _off_ about him. Something that worried him. He shook his head.

"Not at all, _Caleb."_ He made a point of calling him by his first name. He had thought they were beyond using surnames, now. They were friends. He wanted to believe they were still friends.

Caleb noddedly slowly, gaze combing down Essek's robes. No mantle today, just the simple robes he wore around his house when he was not expecting guests.

"May I come in? I was wondering if I could have another lesson." _  
_

"By all means," Essek stood back and extended an arm. Caleb passed in, brushing past Essek as he crossed the threshold.

Essek had seen him like this before. Two months ago... or was it three, now? When he asked to see the Scourger. Nerves like tightly wound violin strings, the lightest touch might break them.

And he had come to _Essek,_ of all people! Someone he barely knew! Why hadn't he gone to his friends, who knew him? Loved him? Why in the Nine Hells would he go to _him?_ He didn't know what to say, then. He had no idea what people were _supposed_ to say, when someone turned up, upset, on your doorstep, in the middle of some crisis. He had no idea what was expected of 'friends.' He had to read a _book_ before showing up at the Xhorhaus for dinner just to make sure they wouldn't take offense to his gift!

Caleb already had one foot on the first wrung of the stairs before Essek remembered his manners. "Would you like some tea?"

The human hesitated, then slid back down onto the ground floor. "Yes, please."

"Do you... want to keep me company, or wait here?" Essek asked, before walking to the kitchen.

Caleb nodded, followed him into the tiny kitchen, waited patiently as Essek fumbled through the cupboards trying to find where he kept the tea. He had dismissed his servants. And he wasn't floating anymore. And he was _trying_ to learn how to cook, but he couldn't even keep straight where everything was in his own kitchen. He eventually found some tea, and put the kettle on, waited patiently for it to come to a boil.

"I should have messaged ahead, I'm sorry," Caleb started, finally.

"Oh, no, no... it's fine. You and your friends are always welcome here. Come any time," he said, as he got out two cups, and two saucers, and two small spoons. A treasure hunt.

They clattered loudly when he set them down. The kettle started whistling and he rushed to pour out its contents. He brought one of the cups up, handed it to Caleb.

"Thank you, but I know you're just being polite, I should go..."

"No, not at all, you're here now, and I won't let you leave empty-handed. At least have the decency to finish your tea and take a scroll with you before you go."

He agreed to stay, and Essek led the way up the stairs, slowly but surely. He found balancing the tea without magic an ordeal, but he was trying not to use magic so often. It spilled a little as he walked, but he eventually made it to the top of the stairwell, and before his laboratory. He murmurred the words which broke the seal to the ward at his door and stepped inside. Caleb followed, and he offered the human a chair, set down his drink. Caleb kept holding his, and drinking. Said he liked it. A local brew.

"I like the spices here. We don't have anything like them in the Empire." He took in the laboratory, and visibly seemed to relax at the familarity of it. He noted a houseplant in the corner, which wasn't there before. "The plant is new."

"A mysterious gift from a secret admirer," Essek whispered, leaning in close, behind the back of his hand. "I suspect Caduceus sent it."

Another... look, which Essek couldn't quite read, and Caleb turned his head, kept sipping tea.

"He's a very kind man. I woudn't be surprised." He set down his drink, cleared his throat. "But I am sure you have many admirers. You're very important."

Jealousy? No. But there was an edge to his words, a drop of venom. Veth and Beau had spoken of retribution; justice. Is that what he wanted, too? To see him fall from grace? "You're upset I'm still Shadowhand, aren't you?"

"I came here to learn magic."

 _Right. The lesson._ He was here for a reason. Essek had a pretty good idea he was here for more than just learning magic, but if that's what he had to tell himself to make it as far as Essek's door... he would humour him. He was just glad he was here. More glad than he shoud be, given the way they left things.

Caduceus and Jester might be able to forgive him, but why should Caleb? Unless it was because he knew Essek was still the best chance he had of learning dunamancy. Maybe that was all he would ever be to Caleb, to his Den, to the Assembly, to the Dynasty. Maybe he would only ever be as good as his spells.

He breathed a heavy sigh as he took out his spellbook, opened it in front of Caleb, carted through the pages with ease. He saw the way Caleb's eyes lit up, over one particular spell, stopped his hand. He could recognise the runes, even before he cast Comprehend Languages.

A little smile made its way across Essek's face as he did, as he recognised what he was doing. His next words were in Undercommon. It felt so nice, slipping back into his native tongue, into what was familiar, after having been forced to speak Common every time he went to Court, or speaking before his Den, or trying, but ultimately failing, to put his feelings into words with the Nein.

"I can teach you this one. But it is easier to show then to explain."

He shifted the gravity around him with ease. This was his specialty, and he had yet to teach Caleb any graviturgy spells, but he liked the strength it gave you, the control. Manipulating forces and figures in battle. Making your allies stronger, and siphoning energy fron your enemies, or pulling them into your trap, a vortex, a dying star... or pushing them away. He wanted Caleb to have that power and control he only ever felt when he was practicing dunamancy. Maybe then he wouldn't have to feel afraid of whatever ghosts from his past haunted him. 

Caleb looked... intrigued. Drew nearer. Listened closely. Understood. Followed his gestures, his words, each step, perfectly. So he was the one in control. As far as Essek was concerned, he always was.

"You're pretty good at this, Caleb," Essek said, as he leant over his shoulder, a hand lightly pressed against his back, watching him record the components and sigils of the spell in his own spellbook.

"Yeah, well... I learned from the best." A smile. A professional compliment, nothing more. But the smile lingered. And something broke. Essek extended a hand to reach for the broken scrap of charcoal, just as Caleb moved his, covering his hand. "I wish I had found you sooner. Everything would have been different."

"Perhaps."

Caleb smiled up at him, ruefully, laced his fingers with Essek's. Staring at his lips, the faint suggestion of sharp teeth...

It's enough to make his breath catch, and his heart thrum. "Everything would be so much simpler..."

 _'Simple'_ isn't a word he would use to describe anything involving Caleb Widogast.

"Essek?"

"Hm?"

"Thanks for teaching me this."

"Of course. I'm just happy you came back."

There had been a time when he thought he wouldn't.

They are too close. It's dangerous being so close. Caleb smooths a hand down Essek's robes.

"This feels... wrong," Caleb finally says, head and hand sinking in unison.

A look of concern flashes across Essek's face, softens his features. "What feels wrong?" 

"Pretending nothing has changed! Pretending we aren't standing at the edge of an abyss! I keep having nightmares about the things we saw under Bazzoxan, the things they are trying to release... and it's... _unnerving_ how calm everyone else is, how no one else sees what's happening just below their feet!"

He was spiralling again, as Essek predicted. Tightly-wound nerves coming undone. He knew he hadn't been much help last time, but this time... he would be there for him. He would be the friend he needed.

"Would you like another cup of tea?" He asked when he noticed Caleb's cup was empty.

"We ended a war! We did exactly what we set out to do! The other's are happy, they're celebrating, but... I can't be happy, even for a single moment, without feeling guilty," he admitted, diverting his gaze.

"You can't save the world in the next fifteen minutes, so you might as well enjoy your moment for as long as it lasts. I'm glad the spell made you happy. You are allowed to be a little selfish. Even heroes need days off," Essek insisted, gently patting Caleb's hand. He tries to stand, but Caleb takes hold of his arm, stops him. His grip is stronger than Essek expected. He sits back down, looks expectantly up at him.

"It's not the spell. It's you." A pause, as he composed himself. "I've missed you. I wanted to say so, on the boat. I nearly asked Jester to send you a message after you left. I was afraid... I might never see you again, or if I did... well, there wouldn't be any more lessons or experiments, and I was sad, and I told myself it was selfish, knowing you were afraid for your life, and what you've done, but... maybe I am a selfish creature, too."

"Caleb, you're _not—"_

"I wanted to be a teacher."

Essek raises his head to meet Caleb's eyes, confused by the sudden shift in conversation.

"That's why I went to the Soltryce Academy. I loved magic and learning, and wanted to help others love magic and learning as I did. That's why, when Trent came looking for new recruits, I was so honoured. I thought it was because I showed promise. I thought, maybe one day, I could be a mentor like him, for other students in the Academy. I didn't know what he was, then, but... you're not the only one with a voracious appetite for knowledge."

"Teach me," Essek says without thinking, without deliberating. He stopped deliberating the moment he saw Caleb standing outside his door. "I want to learn one of your spells."

Caleb's eyes flit up from Essek's mouth, but only for a moment. Then something gives way. The illusion is broken. He remembers where they are, and that their hands are still connected, pulls away.

"My spells are nothing compared to yours, I can't bend time or gravity like you do..."

"You can and will, soon. Come, you are so creative, surely there is something in your book...?"

"There is a spell I made myself. I call it _Web of Fire._ It's an evocation spell that has helped me and my friends on more than one occassions."

He can't help but smile remembering the last few times it had turned a battle going against them in their favour. Fire was the most volatile element, but he had found a way to control it, direct it, make it obey his will. It wouldn't have been possible, without Essek's help, without a rudimentary understanding of dunamancy, even though the spell was not, itself, dunamantic.

"You don't have to teach me this spell if you think it might make me a threat to you, or yours," Essek began, hesitant to accept this gift, if he thought it might give Caleb and his friends more reason to mistrust him.

"Essek. I don't think of you as a threat _,"_ Caleb was quick to qualify. "We are still friends, ja? I wouldn't be here, otherwise."

Caleb showed him the runes and components, then walked him through the steps of casting the spell. All went well until they hit their first snag: Essek did not know how to make a cat's cradle. So Caleb showed him. Essek was the most intelligent man he knew, but couldn't come to grips with a simple children's game, and seemed so genuinely dismayed when he failed to make a cat's cradle Caleb couldn't help but laugh. Their hands ended up getting woven together by a tangled knot, and the harder Essek tried to undo this knot the worse it became, until they could not get free of their creation.

"I am so sorry," he laments, "I am better suited to alchemy, I think. I'm no good at precision work, or weaving..."

"I will untangle us, just... hold still!" Caleb chided warmly. Essek froze, looking pathetic, hands before him, head sunk in defeat. "Ah, ah, ah! I think I found the end, I can almost... oh no, I made the knot worse. Do you have a knife?"

Essek grimaces. "On my belt, but I am somewhat..." he waved his imprisoned hands before him. "Detained."

"Ah. Then we will have to be creative, won't we?" He tried to wrest one of his hands free so he could reach for Essek's knife, but for some reason the cord wouldn't give at all.

As he pulled, he only tugged Essek closer, sharply. He couldn't hide a wan smile that made Essek glower.

"You're doing this on purpose, now."

"Am I?" Caleb asked, tilting his chin to the side, eyes falling to Essek's lips. "I suppose we're bound together for life, now."

Caleb could think of _worse_ people to be bound for life to. Essek frowned, his lips twitching.

"Don't joke," he snapped.

"Who's joking?"

He was especially pretty when he was angry.

"If neither of us can reach the knife we'll have to send for help. Will you message your friends, or should I?"

Caleb's smile immediately vanished. "What? No! We can't message them. I'll get the knife, just, ah... lean in a little closer..."

Essek swallowed his pride and acquiesced, while Caleb tried his best to pull free the knife from its sheath on Essek's belt. His robes were a similar cut to Caleb's, but of a much softer, more expensive material, in a deep, dark shade of purple, the same colour of the wine he brought. He wished they had wine, now. That might make this easier. It might make everything easier.

"As much as I admire your tenacity... why don't you want to message them?" Essek asked, breath warm against Caleb's ear, as he tries his hardest to focus on the task at hand: freeing the knife from its prison.

"I may not have been... entirely honest with them when I left the house this morning," Caleb admitted. It was hard talking like this, but at least he didn't have to look Essek in the eyes, pressed so close. "I said I was going to pick up components, which I did, but... I didn't mention I was coming here."

"Why not?"

"I may have been forbidden from seeing you... _Ahh! I've got it!"_ He exclaimed, triumphantly, when he finally pulled the knife free. He pulled back from Essek and flipped the knife around in his hand, before setting their joined hands firmly down on the table between them, so he could decide how best to cut them free. Essek was staring intently at his eyes, while Caleb made a point of avoiding his to focus on the puzzle before him.

"Caleb. _Why_ were you forbidden from seeing me?"

The human went a shade paler, looked embarassed.

It's not the response Essek expected, but nothing this evening had gone as Essek expected.

"Beau wrote a list of house rules when we came back to Rosohna, which included _'no more magic lessons for Caleb.'_ "

Beau still doesn't trust him. No surprise there. "So she has the right to forbid you, a grown man, from doing as you please?"

Caleb looked up from his work, knife still poised perilously close to his own thumb, tongue jutted out ever so slightly from the corner of narrow, dull teeth. "She made a good argument. The rest of the Nein agreed to her rules, so... how could I refuse?"

"What was her argument?" Essek asked, as Caleb started ever so carefully cutting them free. He mentally prepared himself for Beau's expert character assassination, even knowing Caleb would soften the blow, because of course he would.

"She thinks I can't trust myself around you. She doesn't think I should be anywhere near you without, ah... _supervision?"_ He gives a small, feeble laugh. "She has this crazy notion that I am... a little too blind, where you are concerned. She thinks you're a bad influence. She doesn't really trust magic, or... wizards, says we're too ambitious for our own good, and... perhap's she's right. She's kept me in check in the past when my ambitions got... a little out of hand, so... I went along with it, even though I don't think you're a bad influence, really."

"That is why you snuck away from your friends to see me?" Essek clarified.

"That is why the Nein cannot know I am here." Caleb finally cut them free, brushed bits of cord away from their hands, turned one of Essek's over and noting the chemical burns as he ran his thumb up the side. "But you're good at keeping secrets, aren't you?"

A low blow. Essek pulled his hand back, abruptly, flexing them before massaging the wrist where the cord had pulled tightest.

"I don't want to keep any more secrets from our friends. They have enough trouble trusting me already. You shouldn't have come here," he said, before turning his attention back to the open spellbook. "But thank you for this. I know it couldn't have been easy for you, sharing this with me."

He was talking about the spell. Caleb _knew_ he was talking about the spell. But he wanted to believe he meant more than just the spell.

"I'm glad I came... and I'm glad I gave you that spell," Caleb insisted. "I'm not afraid of you, Essek." A pause, as he reconsidered his words. "Or, at least... not in the way I should be."

"So you _are_ afraid of me?" Essek asked, massaging the other wrist now, and leaning back away from Caleb and the table, now.

"I am afraid... that I would ignore my friend's warnings to come see you, alone. It means Beau was right."

"About what?"

"I can't trust myself around you."

Essek looked the human up and down, then gave an exasperated sigh. What a pair they made.

"I think the feeling is mutual. You should never have come here, and I should never have invited you in."

There was a bottle of wine downstairs, unopened. He didn't want to send him away, just because the lesson was over, just because he was closing his book, and putting it back in his holster. He didn't want them to part like this, with so much left unspoken.

"We are too alike for our own good," Caleb agreed, shaking his head, as he tucked his spellbook away. Essek gave thanks he was still holding his own wrist, or else he would have felt compelled, in that moment, to reach for him.

Instead, he replied, rather flatly: "It would appear so." Because he knew Caleb's friends would worry if he didn't return soon. They had no idea where he was. He couldn't keep him here all night.

"Well, I should go..." Caleb said, standing up, but not moving away. He extended a hand for Essek to shake. They had never shaken hands before. It felt like a strangely cold gesture, after everything else they had shared. After that kiss, when he tried to 'redeem' him. He wondered if Caleb still thought him 'worthy' of redemption. Wondered if his friends did.

"Before you leave... the Lens found the location of what we believe is the headquarters for the cult you spoke of, the Angel of Irons. A few of my spies were able to infiltrate their ranks. If you and your friends are determined on stopping the rise of this... this Chained Oblivion... I think that is where you should start your search. I can bring you the maps if you like."

"That's remarkable news! Please."

Essek disappeared, and silently returned, a few rolled maps in hand. He set them down in front of Caleb, rolled out one across the table. Caleb looked them over, closely, tried to estimate in his head how many days it would take to cross the distance if they left Rosohna by horseback.

"This is of interest to you?" Essek asked, quietly, watching Caleb closely while he read the map.

"Beau already had a few leads thanks to the Cobalt Soul, but these maps... will prove invaluable. Thank you, my friend," he said, offering his hand again. Essek's throat went dry, but he nodded, curtly, and shook it. "We will leave at once."

Of course Caleb would seize the first chance which presented itself to charge recklessly into danger. Essek already had the maps prepared, already had every intention of delivering them to the Nein, but he found the longer he spoke to Caleb, the harder it became to hand over those maps, to hand over the tools which might so easily bring about his demise. The Northernmost reaches of Xhorhas were largely uncharted and dangerous. The people they were dealing with, now, were very dangerous, too, and not in a way Essek was familiar with. For all the cruelty and deceitful cunning of the Cerberus Assembly and warring politicians, at least Essek knew how to handle their pragmatic villainy. He didn't know how to handle the chaotic, unbridled villainy of Tharizdun's followers.

"I was afraid you'd say that."

A heavy pause, as the drow looked long and hard at Caleb Widogast, as if seeing him for the first time. Beautiful. Human. Fragile. Everything he should hate, everything that should stamp him out as 'the enemy,' if he were loyal to the Dynasty, if he shared their blind hatred of all things Imperial, but... the burning, now, the terror that singed his fingertips, whenever their hands brushed, or when Caleb held his face in his hands and kissed his forehead... wasn't hatred at all, only love. It had always been love. But Essek wasn't _made_ for love. He wasn't a thing which _could_ be loved, and he didn't know how to love others, without a passion which bordered on violence and alarmed him. He was afraid if Caleb saw _that_ side of him, the side he allowed Caleb to glimpse in the dungeon, when he lost hold of his temper with that Scourger, or when he let go of his carefully-constructed mask and wept in front of him on that boat, sinking into his hands... he wouldn't want him. No one would.

"I'm not... a good man... and I understand why you and your friends can no longer trust me... but your safety is important to me."

"I trust you, Essek. I wouldn't have taught you that spell if I didn't trust you," Caleb insisted, but it made no difference. Essek was resolved. He took a deep breath, kept going.

"Regardless of your feelings for me, I am afraid you might get hurt if you pick a fight with a mad god. I know you and your friends are strong, and clever, and resourceful, but... I don't want to lose you, Caleb."

He reached out, lightly touched the side of Caleb's face. He didn't pull away, but covered Essek's hand with his own.

"We've fought Tharizdun's champions before. We've _won,_ before. And if we don't at least _try_ to do something... and Tharizdun is freed from his chains... I could never live with myself."

"I would like to try something, but... you can't ask me why. Only know... I am doing this because I care for you," he insisted, brushing a thumb across Caleb's cheek, as he took out of a spool of platinum thread from his robes with his free hand, and murmurred the words to an enchantment, before slowly beginning to wrap the thin cord around Caleb's wrists, then his own. Caleb didn't resist, simply waited patiently for Essek to finish his incantation. Essek _knew_ this was a step too far, _knew_ he was being foolish and impulsive, but he also knew this was the only way he could truly help Caleb, after sending him into a dragon's den when he could not fight alongside him, when his duties and responsibilities towards his Den kept him bound to the capitol. "I'm sorry, but I cannot let you go running into danger, without some way to pull you back and keep you safe."

He finished casting _Tether Essence_ and the cord glowed bright gold, burning with sheer arcane power, before it dissipated and fell away, leaving behind a tattoo-like scar where the thread had bound them on both their arms, which would only fade when their bond was broken.

Caleb turned his arm to examine the scar, ran a hand over them, felt the strange, almost magnetic pull of its magic.

"What does this mean?" He asked, transfixed.

"This means... our souls are bound. No matter how far away you are, I will know every time you are injured, because I will feel it as if the pain were my own. I will also be able to heal you, from afar, if I heal myself."

Caleb's eyes went wide, but he didn't pull back as Essek slid a step closer, ran a hand up the back of Caleb's neck, until the human's eyes fluttered shut as he brought their foreheads together. He could already feel the effects of the spell beginning to set it, feel what Essek felt. He couldn't see through Essek's eyes, as he could see through Frumpkin's, but he could feel the world as Essek did, from that low constant ache the drow could never shake, to the powerful magic which coursed through his veins, so strong Caleb wondered how he could bare it.

"If you die... I die, also. So stay alive for me," Essek continued, his voice a whisper.

"What if you die first?"

"If I find myself in mortal peril... I will simply break our bond. I won't take you down with me."

"Essek, this is madness!" Caleb finally exclaimed, moving back to meet Essek's eyes.

The drow was smiling now, a soft, delicate smile.

"Maybe," he answered, trailing long slender fingers dipped in blue-black ink across fair, freckled skin. "But I would not forgive myself if something happened to you while you were off fighting the servants of Tharizdun, and I was safe in my tower. I would ask you to stay, if I didn't know how cruel it is to cage a thing born for freedom. This way I will know if you're in danger, so I can help you from afar or teleport to your side."

"This is... a lot to take in. Do you have anything stronger than tea?" Caleb asked, pulling back, but not out of Essek's hold. He slid his hand down his neck, to his upper back.

"I have a bottle of plum wine I've been saving." A beat. "Are you mad at me?"

Caleb laughed a low, nervous laugh, shook his head.

"No, not really. I would probably do the same thing in your place."

Then he blinked, a smile slowly stealing across his thin lips.

"We really are too alike for our own good, aren't we?"

"I'm afraid so," Essek concurred.

"Which means we're both mad. But I promise I will do all I can to come back to you."

"I couldn't ask for more," Essek replied, tilting Caleb's face towards him with a soft smile.

It was like looking into a mirror.


End file.
